The Advantage in Disadvantage

The young artist who was told by their high school math teacher that they were lazy.

The son who was told he’s going to screw up his life because he didn’t want to become an accountant like his dad. 

The employee who was passed over for a raise or a promotion and was, instead, given a growth plan to help them overcome their weaknesses in order to make it to the next level.

Even the disciplines of psychology and psychiatry – almost everything in this world is geared to point out what’s wrong with us.

Customer complaints vastly outnumber compliments in most companies. Most employees complain about what their company does wrong before they rave about what their company does right.  Politicians point out what the other party can’t fix before offering their help to fix it.

It seems no matter where we turn, there is a whole crowd of people ready and willing to tell us what we’re bad at, what we can’t get right and where we’re weak. It’s a wonder anyone of us has any self-esteem left at the end of a day.

But there is huge advantage in disadvantage. The reason others see the failings in us is because they are looking in the wrong place.

Imagine if that the artist’s math teacher realized his student had no natural aptitude for math and, instead of berating her, recommended she take more art classes to develop her natural abilities.

Imagine if the well intentioned father, realizing his son didn’t want to follow in his footsteps, asked him what he did want to do and then did everything to support and nurture the things he wanted to do.

Imagine if a company devoted resources to helping us build on our strengths instead of pushing us to fix our weaknesses.

And imagine if psychologists identified the abnormal advantages we all have instead of labeling the abnormal disadvantages.

Take dyslexia, for example. A lot of really great entrepreneurs, like Richard Branson, are dyslexic. Instead of focusing on what he couldn’t do, he figured out ways around it. He became a brilliant problem solver. A lot of dyslexics are good like that. It’s a huge advantage they have.

Or the kid who is told at a young age that they have ADD – they are told they have a “deficit” and a “disorder.” Why aren’t they told that they have an amazing advantage - hyper-focus, a heightened ability to focus on something and devote an intense amount of energy to solving a problem or building something beyond what most people can do. They have an ability to get done in one day what takes others a week.

I have ADHD and it is one of the single greatest advantages I have. Sure it has it’s drawbacks. It’s harder for me to focus on things that don’t interest me. But all that means is I should focus on doing things that do interest me. I have an abnormal advantage and I feel sorry for all the people who aren’t able to apply intense focus on something like those with ADD or ADHD.

The best teachers are the ones who tell us we can. The best parents tell us we should. The best companies show us what we can do. And the best politicians remind us what’s possible if we work together instead of apart.

May we all discover what about us doesn’t fit the norm and, instead of trying to hide or bury it, work to make that our single greatest advantage.  

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Comments

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Very cool idea. I think I will have to try this one. I just love the "It's the Little Things" line. Thanks!

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Simon you are the coolest guy i had never seen the quote The Advantage in Disadvantage is incredible what an idea it was really great to talk about it and the blog had given such a great platform to talk about that thanks for the blog...:)

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The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere. ( A. M. Lindbergh )

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I love this post! It reminds me of this quote from Einstein: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

[ElliottFryback]

I couldn’t agree more I am ADHD and Dyslexic and think it is one of my greatest advantages. I physiologically predisposed to being unique and I love the way I think but it wasn’t until I put myself through hell to figuring that out. I grew up thinking that I was inadequate and lived up to my low expectations. I now always try to reach out to kids and let them know the gift they have and to not listen to and diagnosis of disorder. To never spend time worrying what others think only spend time making them think because they’ll think your brilliant.

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It is an open question whether any behavior based on fear of eternal punishment can be regarded as ethical or should be regarded as merely cowardly. （Magaret Mead, USA humanist）

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Couldn't hold back the tears for a while. My niece is only several days younger & I can't fathom losing her. God sends us angels everyday & it's a shame most of us don't notice them. Little Rachel is truly an inspiration & I could only hope to do as much one day. Her loss will give life to thousands more.

[Scott Essner]

I love this post! It reminds me of this quote from Einstein: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

[Marek]

I wouldn't trade my ADHD for anything.

Every time I hear about ADHD kid, I think - lucky him, he's got a winning lottery ticket.

He has to do interesting things in his life,
He thinks differently,
He's to stay individual, learn from own experience and not blend into mass thinking,
Many times he'll have to stand for what matters to him,
and will have a really tough time in settling for less.

It's hard to tell that to the parents though, who often are busy with their problem of trying to fit their kid into idea of how things should be like.

[Laura Lee Bloor]

Nice job, Simon! I'm so glad you highlighted this issue.

I was always made to feel bad or criticized for not being able to multi-task well. Now, I feel like that's one of my best characteristics. I devote myself wholly to one thing at a time.

[Savina]

This is an excellent post. It refreshed my mind.

[Veda Horner]

Great post Simon. Thanks

[Glenda Watson Hyatt]

Amen! Everyone sees my disability. Very few see my abilities; they are the ones I hold close.

[Mary Bauer]

I am getting ready to teach my twenty-first elementary school class. I should print this out and post it somewhere to remind me what is important.

[Christine Cunneen]

Great posting!!!!

[Fiona Leonard]

This reminds me of a wonderful blog I read about intensity - similar idea that what can be identified as a shortcoming is at the same time one of your greatest strengths: http://crazysexylife.com/2010/in-defense-of-intense/ So much time is focused on what's wrong rather than what's right. Nice post.

[Katie]

I wrote a story about a duck named Algorithm who lived in St. Londelston. It was about his encounter with another duck named Dr. Diagnositalison, who kept diagnosing all of the folks in the town with random things like... oh, but I forget. There were three examples, but I just know right now that the canary, Mary Ellen Louise Bethany Patience Prudence Hope Faith Elizabeth Clare, was diagnosed with having a name that was too long. And that at the end, Dr. Diagnositalison changed his name to Bob and took Algorithm's advice, which was to look at what's right with the world and tell folks what's right with them.

I lost it, but -- I mean I guess it's obvious that the theme of the story was about this very thing.

The story is still in my head though. Maybe it needs to exist, after all.

[Jamey Stegmaier]

I think this is a great point, but I also see the flip side (especially in response to the commenter JA Paul). I've always been a really great sprinter, and I've played soccer my whole life, so I've been able to get away with sub-par dribbling skills because I can just sprint around a defender. As an adult, I'm starting to face the day that I'll no longer be as fast as I've always been, and I wish I could have developed some of those dribbling skills when I was younger (it's not too late, just more difficult now).

So this is one case that I wish I could have focused on my weaknesses so that my strengths could be reinforced in the long run. That would be the approach I'd take if I ever coached a kid like me. I'd position him on the field in a way that could maximize his sprinting ability, but I'd challenge him during practice to develop other skills and not use his speed as a crutch.

[JA_Paul]

Great Post! I coach youth sports and try my best to follow this philosophy. Kids need the positive reinforcement and when they receive it they SOAR!

[Esther van der Wal]

Amen!